The goofiest let-down ever

Otherwise entitled, "finding cruel and unusual forms of punishment in the depths of my closet."

Today I was cleaning/organizing the house. We have lots of stuff just laying around, and I've finally decided to do something about it. So, I was relocating things from the dining room to our upstairs closets. I found some extra space in the waaaaayyyy back of my closet. You know the spot: where you put all of your clothes that are too small, but for some reason you keep them just in case.

Well, once I put the box of stuff in the floor space, I decided to poke around a bit in these forgotten items of clothing. It mainly consists of bridesmaid dresses and/or formal dresses that I wore somewhere back when I went to formal events. I counted a total of 4 bridesmaid dresses and 2 or so formal gowns. Now, what posssessed me to do what I did next is beyond me. Maybe it's because I thought it would be fun; maybe I knew that the kids were occupied elsewhere so I had a few moments of personal indulgence; maybe I was just experiencing complete and total insanity, but I decided to try on some of the dresses. The first one I chose was a dress I only wore once to a formal wedding. The wedding was about 2 months after my own wedding, so I was still lookin' good. It was a size 4. SIZE 4!!! Yes, I do remember those days, though they are long gone. Yeah, well, I put this dress on my size __ body and it did not fit. It barely fit over my hips and I couldn't budge the zipper. On to dress #2: a bridesmaid dress I wore about 2 1/2 years before my own wedding (I've been married a little over 9 years..). The tag said size 3/4. The style of the dress was such that I was able to put it on with no problems, but I couldn't zip it. Not even if I sucked everything in. Dress #3: another bridesmaid dress, worn about 1 year after marriage. This dress rocked--it was a size 8 (did I really grow that much in 1 year of marriage???), and it even had a built-in bra (a necessity back in that day)! So, I got this dress on fairly easily, but due to the largeness of the bra cups--that's what I'm blaming it on anyway--I couldn't zip it all the way. I looked at another bridesmaid dress, also worn about 2 1/2 years before my own wedding, and recalled that when I wore it I could hardly breathe, so I didn't even take it off the hanger to try on today.

Now, part of me was truly laughing throughout this experience, but later on I reflected on the pure insanity of keeping these things in my closet. Do I think that I will EVER wear them again? No. Do I think that any member of my family will ever wear them? No. Will I ever even be a size 4 again??? Not likely. I should probably do what several other former bridesmaids and I have discussed before, and take our "collection" to a nice consignment shop. Seeing as how I've had these dresses in my closet for over 10 years now, we'll see how quickly I get to that... For now, they will hang in their sacred spot of glory in my closet.

Long live the teensy-weensy-crazy-colors-long-forgotten bridesmaid dresses!